Lost Stars

I guess humans are such hypocrite creatures. 

I mean when we say we're totally over and done with something, we actually never are and never were. Well, at least that point got me. 

We're such a cocky and hypocrite creatures, aren't we? We want something, but we have no effort to make it true. We love someone but we scared to tell them how we feel. We hate that bitch at school but we can't tell them not to be slutty all over places. We annoyed by our friends who thinks it's funny when we crack a joke but they never really know that we are lonely. We annoyed by being a second choice and being a shadow over our siblings. Gosh, we are a total hypocrite. We are. 

We have so much feelings and regrets and sadness but we can't express them the way it should be. We have anger and fierce and dark side but we can't just be okay with that. We have secrets, and loneliness, and a passion to be loved but we just can't tell random people about that. We kept our feelings and our complicated mind inside ourselves and I guess that's the poison of us being hypocrite.

Believe me. It feels like I have two sides of mine. The first one is the side where I can be a total cheerful girl trying to living up my dreams and travel the world. The other side is the side where I hide my feelings and sadness and dark side and anger and deepest secrets that people couldn't even imagine. 

Sometimes I felt like I want to share all of this to people but I couldn't. It just won't come up through my mouth. Sometimes I really want to scream and crying out loud, but then I realize that all of this will be in vain. 

I've always tried to be the happiest person of me but that's just make me a huge hypocrite, because sadly I am not that happy. It feels like I'm wearing a mask everytime I crack some jokes and make them laugh. It feels like I'm not who I am when I'm surrounded by people who thinks I am fine. Truth is, I'm not fine at all.

Sometimes I need a shelter to just burst this feeling out, but where? 

I might be laughing at this post several months later but I guess I have to write it down as the "depressed phase" of me. 

I am the lost star. And don't judge me.