Valentines; The Breakfast Club

"And these children that you spit on as they try to change their worlds are immune to your consultations. They're quite aware of what they're going through..." -David Bowe

First of all, as it is certainly really need to be spoken, I just want to say to you a happy belated valentines. And I hope that you all had a great day and have shared so much love with your loved ones on this special day. Even if its kinda sounds like bullshit because I guess many of you already spent this valentines day alone (or for the better, with your laptops). And please don't worry about that because so did I. I already spent this "special day" with a bar of chocolate and a 4 hours of nap. 
And yes, I also watched The Breakfast Club. Fun fact; after I watched the movie I found out that this week is TBC's 30th anniversary since the movie being published! Whoa, what an odds. 
And watching The Breakfast Club, for me, was not a waste of time at all. Because now I tell you, The Breakfast Club is one of the best movies I have ever seen since the last 17 years, even though it came out before I exist. And to be honest, at first I thought the movie was going to be boring. But then as the movie came along I kept saying to myself, "No! Don't you dare to end this movie!" 
I'm gonna begin this entry with a quick explanation of the movie. The movie is about 5 high school students who got a Saturday detention. Those 5 students are so different; John the criminal, Brian the brain, Claire the princess, Andrew the athlete and Allison the basket case. The movie is so simple and yet so brilliant at the same time. No doubt that the movie ranked number 1 as the best high school movie of all time by IMDb. 
But hold on, don't close your tab. I'm not gonna talk all night about The Breakfast Club and reviewing the movie. I'm here to tell you what I can learn from the movie and maybe you can learn some of them too.
What I can learn from the movie is, it is hella okay to be who we are. We are all pretty bizarre, some of us are just better at hiding, that's all, and that's okay. And sometimes, we have to spend a little more time trying to make something of ourself, and a little less trying to impress people. 
This movie is probably just a movie about high school students. And as a high school student who is soon to be graduated, I feel the same way with the character's been through. I mean it is just the same as we've been through with our high school moments. Brian the dork, Andrew the popular sports boy, Claire the popular prom queen, John the troublemaker and Allison the invisible. And the most heartbreaking point is when Allison says, "when you grow up, your heart dies." That couldn't be more true. 

"Spend a little more time trying to make something of yourself, and a little less trying to impress people."  

Gee, that quote really got me! I realize that all of this time, I've always tried to impress people so they like me, so I can fit in. But then I forgot to impress myself. And as I think about that more often, I feel really really small. 
I've always tried to make people accept me, but then I lost and I cannot see myself inside of me anymore. Sad but true, isn't it? And I bet this thing isn't happened just for me, but for so many people out there. I think every teenager is a hero. When we are young, we feel so much pain. Going to school is like going to war. People let you down all the time. Sometimes it is very, very hard to be strong. But we have to. 
So, okay. I probably will think about this 234659 times a day. Ha. But here's a letter from The Breakfast Club to Mr. Vernon that you all should read.

Dear Mr. Vernon,
We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But we think you are crazy to make an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us. As the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain, and an athlete, and a basket case, a princess and a criminal. Does that answer your question?
Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club. 

Lost Stars

I guess humans are such hypocrite creatures. 

I mean when we say we're totally over and done with something, we actually never are and never were. Well, at least that point got me. 

We're such a cocky and hypocrite creatures, aren't we? We want something, but we have no effort to make it true. We love someone but we scared to tell them how we feel. We hate that bitch at school but we can't tell them not to be slutty all over places. We annoyed by our friends who thinks it's funny when we crack a joke but they never really know that we are lonely. We annoyed by being a second choice and being a shadow over our siblings. Gosh, we are a total hypocrite. We are. 

We have so much feelings and regrets and sadness but we can't express them the way it should be. We have anger and fierce and dark side but we can't just be okay with that. We have secrets, and loneliness, and a passion to be loved but we just can't tell random people about that. We kept our feelings and our complicated mind inside ourselves and I guess that's the poison of us being hypocrite.

Believe me. It feels like I have two sides of mine. The first one is the side where I can be a total cheerful girl trying to living up my dreams and travel the world. The other side is the side where I hide my feelings and sadness and dark side and anger and deepest secrets that people couldn't even imagine. 

Sometimes I felt like I want to share all of this to people but I couldn't. It just won't come up through my mouth. Sometimes I really want to scream and crying out loud, but then I realize that all of this will be in vain. 

I've always tried to be the happiest person of me but that's just make me a huge hypocrite, because sadly I am not that happy. It feels like I'm wearing a mask everytime I crack some jokes and make them laugh. It feels like I'm not who I am when I'm surrounded by people who thinks I am fine. Truth is, I'm not fine at all.

Sometimes I need a shelter to just burst this feeling out, but where? 

I might be laughing at this post several months later but I guess I have to write it down as the "depressed phase" of me. 

I am the lost star. And don't judge me.