It's 12.04 AM in my place, and I actually didn't know what to write until I opened up a new entri. Usually, I will use my blog to express my feelings, and sadness, or just some opinions about some movies that I really like. I'm using this blog to express myself, and to burst out my feelings when I'm sad, and I was thinking to myself, "why not keep doing this if it makes me so much better?" So yeah, I'm just gonna write another thoughts of mine that I've been thinking this past few days.
I'm on my long break after a huge, national and final examinations 2 weeks ago. I have more than 4 months until I get into college/university. And this past 2 weeks has been quiet good because I finally got a job! I got a job that I really love; singing, at this big cafe in my city every Sunday night. I'm working for 4 hours only. It was okay, because I've made some money for myself and I've been saving the money for traveling with my friends at the end of May (hopefully, fingers crossed).
I actually did nothing productive all day, and I really want to do something that counts, such as, working as a waitress or cashier to make money, I guess? Well, I don't know. I really want to do that but I also don't want to do that. (Yeah, I know).
I've been thinking, why can't we receive something that we always want, when we saw other people gets what they want so simply? I got to admit that sometimes I envy, sometimes I'm jealous with my friends that seems like really happy with what they have. They got a perfect score at school, their families are wealth, they have some perfect boyfriends, they got pretty look, and everytime I walked with one of my friends, other people will always stared at her and probably thinking to themselves how can this girl so gorgeous? Everytime I walked with my sister, they will look at her for the whole 10 seconds, admiring her for her beauty, and I'll just stand next to her, and do nothing but smile. Sometimes I wonder, how's that feeling to be wanted? How's that feeling to be beautiful?
I know it's silly and it's childish, but I'm sorry, I just wanted to know.
How's the feeling of getting everything you want? How's that feeling to be loved by someone you love? How's that feeling to be perfectly happy with yourself? Because I cannot do anything about it but thinking. How's that feels, huh?
I'm almost 18. I'll be 18 in three months. But I don't think I'm happy with myself. I guess everybody's changing. And eventually I'll be fine. I'll be okay and get over this and loving myself the way it is, eventually.
But I just thought that I really need to write this down, because everytime I wrote, I'm feeling so much better. And I'm feeling better now.
I'll be fine, because I've always been fine with the toughest situation of my life, right?
Chin up.
I'll be fine. And so will you.
