Rabu, 11 Desember 2019

20 Days Before 2020

To think that it's nearly the end of a decade got me chills.
2019 was one of the best years of my life. Been living in this world for the past 22 years, and I can totally say that 2019 was a great year.
I met my current boyfriend last year, but our relationship became official earlier this year. Well... what to say about him? He is great. He listens. He understands my intention and trying not to get annoyed whenever he hears my pointless day to day drama. He's very charming. He cares a lot. He might look cold from the outside, but inside, he's totally an open fire. I am the happiest whenever he's around. In other words; he is not always around because we live 500 kilometers away. It is hard for me. We got chance to meet once a month, and it was always not enough. I wish that we will soon living in the same city because personally the LDR thing is not for me. I didn't know why I said yes to him in the first place; I guess I just knew it. I knew that I will completely fall for him, and not giving a single care about the distance between us.

It is also nearly the end of my uni life. Yes, it's been 4 years since I became a communication student.  I am (finally) going to have my thesis defense next week, which is kinda terrifying. The thoughts about what's going on after the defense makes me scared the most. Of course I have my own plans; going to Jakarta, get a job, living in a nice flat would be great, hopefully saving money and help my parents funding my little sister's tuition.
But I am also going to another phase in life. I am going to move to another city, adjusting with the new environment, starting it all over again. My parents will not support me financially, I have to stand on my own. Suddenly the thoughts about all of them are scary as heck.
I'm always open to changes and challenges. Challenge excites me. Change makes me thrilled. And now they're right there, just a couple steps in front of me, patiently waiting for me to catch them.

To wrap this up, I would say that I am grateful for my 2019.
I got a chance to achieve my dreams, to finally went to Europe. I got a chance to feel loved. I got a chance to know myself better as a person. I got to know my feelings towards my family; in a bad and in a good way. I got a chance to finish my thesis. And I got a chance to be happy, over the smallest and simplest things that happened this year.
I will update you about my Europe trip later after I finish my thesis defense, and I will also share my experience in an international students conference called ISWI this year.

Here's to a whole new decade, new dreams and ambitions, also a new great things to achieve!

Jumat, 26 Juli 2019

A Day After 22

This has been such a long time since I wrote here.
To be honest, I only write once a year, usually a day before my birthday. But unfortunately today is no longer my birthday, it is already a day after my birthday. And guess what? Ya girl is finally 22!
Yee-ha~
Geez, so many things to share, so many things to write so I can memorize everything in a digital way. Hahahaha. But well.... this year has been such a rollercoaster to me, yet my 21 year old life was a total blessing. Hal baik dan hal yang kurang baik satu per satu menghampiri. Hal yang tadinya nggak kebayang bisa terjadi kayak percikan api.

Mulai dari awal usia 21 yang lumayan sibuk karena harus mulai magang sekaligus pegang kendali sebagai ketua himpunan, belum lagi tuntutan skripsi yang diikuti bersamaan. Tapi semua berjalan dengan baik; magang selesai dan pada akhirnya aku juga menyelesaikan tugasku sebagai ketua himpunan mahasiswa ilmu komunikasi setelah dua tahun mengabdi. No more Shela yang supersibuk rapat setiap malem, atau Shela yang selalu share setiap event yang diselenggarakan himpunan.
Lepas dari himpunan dan merasa superlega sekaligus superselo, aku berusaha menikmati setiap waktu tidur siang dan hangout sama temen-temen yang jaraaang banget dilakukan selagi masih menjabat. It feels so good to finally feel like a normal student.
But that doesn't mean that I quit being the ambitious girl with a lot of goals to achieve.

Tahun lalu aku menuliskan cukup banyak goals yang harus dicapai di usia 21. Salah satunya adalah to go abroad twice. And guess what? It freaking happened. I went abroad twice, in 4 different countries.

Yang pertama adalah ke Malaysia (walaupun udah pernah sih sebelumnya waktu tahun 2014), tapi yang kali ini bukan untuk students exchange, melainkan untuk lomba. It was my first international competition ever. It was a public speaking competition called IMPACT in Universiti Sains Malaysia. Pengalamannya bener-bener priceless karena disitu aku dikasih kesempatan untuk bertanding sama orang-orang hebat dari ASEAN. Walaupun nggak juara, it was definitely something that I will remember for the rest of my life, karena lombanya lebih mirip kayak pemilihan Miss Universe daripada lomba public speaking, hahahaha.
Yang kedua adalah kesempatan untuk pergi ke Eropa, one of my biggest dreams and biggest goals. Aku pergi ke Eropa, tepatnya ke Jerman untuk ikut konferensi mahasiswa internasional yang dinamakan ISWI (International Student Week in Ilmenau) selama kurang lebih tiga minggu, di kota Ilmenau, Jerman. Pengalaman lengkapnya bakal aku tulis di next blog, dan nanti juga bakal trip report ku ke 3 negara di Eropa (Jerman, Belanda, Belgia). Ahhh, it was definitely a wonderful time. Aku akhirnya menginjakkan kaki di Eropa! 21 tahun bermimpi untuk bisa pergi ke Jerman, dan akhirnya dikasih sama Tuhan untuk merasakan pengalaman luar biasa ini. Nggak hanya ke Jerman aja, tapi Tuhan juga mengijinkan aku untuk pergi ke Belanda dan Belgia. Perjalananku ke Eropa ini bisa jadi adalah highlight penting di usiaku yang ke 21 tahun. Semuanya bener-bener kayak mimpi. Seorang Brigita Shela bisa pergi ke Eropa selama hampir sebulan untuk ikut konferensi internasional? Asli deh ya, aku aja nggak pernah kebayang sama sekali sebelumnya. Waktu dapat email lolos seleksi pun, aku berusaha meyakinkan diriku sendiri bahwa ini bukan mimpi. Iya, se-kepengen itu aku pergi ke Eropa gratis untuk ikut kegiatan mahasiswa internasional.

Tapi selain itu, ada juga highlight yang nggak kalah penting. Jengjenggg.
I finally find someone who actually understands me and accept me even though I'm annoying as heck. And it feels good to finally have someone who actually cares and understand everything thats going on in my head. He has an important role as a supporter, mental health care-taker, and a person to go to everytime I feel like I was just got hit by a truck. So, thanks to you... for being so patient and kind, and for all the efforts and love you give me everyday :)

Di usia 21 tahun ini aku juga sempet belajar bahasa baru! Yay, another goals checked. I learned Korean for a half year and it was so good to finally understand something in a different language than Indo and English :p

And now I am 22.
Jadi gini ya rasanya jadi 22 tahun? Jadi ini yang dimaksud Taylor Swift pas nulis lagu 22? Lol, nggak deng. Baru juga ngerasain umur 22 tahun selama satu hari.
Banyak banget hal yang gak kebayang di tahun lalu yang akhirnya bisa tercapai di tahun ini. Pencapaian yang kuraih dengan berdarah-darah dan penuh air mata banyak terjadi di tahun ini. And it finally safe to say that hard work... finally pays off.

Tahun lalu aku menghabiskan ulang tahunku dengan being miserable and lonely after KKN, tapi tahun ini aku diberi kesempatan untuk merasakan a whole birthday week bersama orang yang tahun lalu bahkan nggak pernah terpikir bakal ngucapin selamat ulang tahun ke aku.
Kadang hidup emang semengejutkan dan selucu itu.

Dan kalo boleh minta... aku cuma pengen bahagia terus di usia ini (walaupun nggak mungkin ya haduhhhh), karena being stressed is just too much to take and so tiring...
Goalsku di usia 22 ini cukup simpel; aku harus lulus cumlaude, dapat pekerjaan dan perusahaan yang aku cita-citakan sejak dulu, dan kembali pergi ke luar negeri dengan uangku sendiri. Sounds so simple but in reality it needs a lot of efforts to do. Hiyahiyahiya.

Tapi pada intinya...
I want to feel alive. I want to try new things. I want to be kinder. I want to be the best version of myself.
I will embrace my imperfections while being grateful for what I have.
I will try my best not to be scared of  making mistakes... and enjoy being as carefree as a 22 year old girl will ever be.