Loneliness

It's 1:22 AM and I can't sleep.
Actually I've been struggling with the lack of sleep this past few days and I don't know what the actual reason is. But lately, I've been thinking (maybe a little too much) about everything. Well, sucks to say that I've gotten into a stage where I found myself really really pathetic. I mean I am 17. Sure I am grateful for what I have, and the fact that I'm surrounded by so many caring people make me realize how lucky I am. But unfortunately I've gotten into a phase where I often feeling lonely. If you look into my life now, you will find that I'm pathetic as fuck. These past 2 weeks has been a really sucks Christmas break for me. I slept at 5 am almost everyday and woke up at least at 12. I would sleep in my cozy bed and snuggling with my fluffy blanket watching all kind of series and reality shows until I feel really sick and seems going to throw up. Sucks, isn't it.
But lately, I've been thinking about so many things while looking at the ceilings at night. I know it sounds so sentimental but that is the fucking truth. I've been thinking to save my money for travel around the world. I would start my journey in Australia and wandering every coast of Australia, and then I'm going to Europe and start my European trip before take off to America for a whole 6 months. I also made a "10 year plan" of myself and I know I have to start it right now. Right here. 
I know it's a very big and kind of impossible dream, but there's a will there's a way, right?
And also I've been thinking about my love life so far. I mean I've gotten into a point where I found myself as a black-sheep at love life in the family. I mean my sisters got boyfriends, even my 13 years old sister for chipotle's sake! And seeing their pictures with their boyfriends always making me sick and wanna throw up,  but mostly to get out of this fucking circumtances. I've never been in love before. I had boyfriend once but I don't think that I was in love with him. I've never loved a boy so much that I can't let him go. And at this very moment, I realize that I want to be in love. I want to feel that butterflies in my stomach everytime he talks or stares at me. I want to be loved. I want to love. I want to feel important to someone. Because sadly I have never felt important to anyone before.
You might call me a pathetic bitch who wanted a love in her life. But I won't be a hypocrite bitch too. I don't know if I believe in love, but I'm willing to know. I'm willing to know if there's a love or whatsoever out there. 
And sometimes at the night like this, when I'm awake and slightly watching tv, I feel really-really lonely. And with all of this loneliness that I have, it would be better if I keep this feeling alone.
Because maybe I will need this feeling when I forgot how this fucking loneliness ever got me.